Chasing the Sun Page 8

  15

  Sage

  The eclipse chasers, as I’ve been mentally calling our odd mix of campers, walk in a single-file line on a narrow trail that follows a small creek. We’re toward the back of the group—Naomi in front of me, Neb behind, and Theo taking up the rear—and I keep wishing Neb and I could hang back far enough to explore on our own. But I’m not skilled enough to keep myself from getting lost in the woods, and then I’d have to live off berries and twigs and would miss taking showers.

  “You’re quiet back there,” Naomi calls over her shoulder.

  “I’m thinking about what it’d be like to live out here.”

  “For real?” She stops in the path to look at me and I bump into her.

  “Not by choice.”

  “It wouldn’t be so bad,” Neb says, stopping next to us. He points at the creek. “We’ve got a water source. There’s plenty of animals for protein—”

  “And there’s a convenience store just up the road!” Theo laughs.

  Naomi raises her brows at me. I caught Neb’s “we,” too, and now I’m imagining us doing all kinds of couple-y things in the woods.

  “You’re blushing,” she whispers.

  “How can I not?”

  “What’s going on?” Neb asks, moving close enough that our arms touch. The slight pressure sends heat racing through me.

  “I hate to be the rule follower here,” Theo says. “But we’re gonna lose them if we don’t keep moving.” The path ahead of us is deserted, but the rest of the group’s laughter carries from farther up the trail.

  Naomi must tell Theo something telepathically, because he steps around me and Neb and the two of them continue up the path, Theo singing “Three Good Things About Following the Rules.”

  “What’s that about?” Neb asks.

  “Naomi’s planning a podcast and brainstorming for titles has sort of taken over our lives.”

  He watches their backs and nods like he’s adding that tidbit to what he knows about them. Then he holds his bent elbow toward me. “Shall we?” His eyes shine in the soft light coming through the trees.

  A thousand butterflies slam in my belly and a smile dances on my lips. I slip my arm through his and he tucks it against his side, and it suddenly feels like we’re the only people in the woods. His pulse thuds against my arm, and the small detail both calms and excites me. Until this moment, despite what seemed like interest since we’ve arrived, I couldn’t trust my instincts that he likes me. But there’s no reason for his heart to race other than he’s as excited as I am to be in this moment.

  His eyes hold mine long enough for my breath to catch, then a gentle smile curls the corner of his mouth.

  Our pace could only be described as snail-like, but I quickly learn that everything Neb does is intentional. Each step in front of the other. The careful way he makes sure I don’t trip over tree roots and other debris in the path. As we walk, he points out different types of trees and plants, bringing the forest to life.

  “How do you know all this?” I ask.

  “My dad. His number one love was up there.” He points through the trees to the sky and beyond. “But he wanted to know everything he could about the world around us. I told you we camped a lot, but we explored the woods almost every weekend.”

  “Which is why you’re so confident in your protein-finding skills.”

  He laughs softly. “Yeah. We’re not—weren’t,” he corrects himself, and his smile falters, “survivalists or anything like that, but there’s something to be said for being able to take care of yourself.” He squeezes my arm with his. “And others.”

  A twinge of envy catches in my chest. I used to think I could take care of myself, that I was one of those girls who could do anything and didn’t need anyone’s help, but Pax took that away from me. Now doubt and uncertainty are my closest allies.

  “Note to stay close to you when the apocalypse hits,” I say, my voice flat.

  He glances at me from the corner of his eye. We’re still getting to know each other, so maybe he’s not ready to press beyond superficial things.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Or maybe we are? “Yes. No. I mean—”

  He watches me carefully, giving me the space to work out my thoughts.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  He brushes his hand over mine, which is still tucked in the crook of his arm. “Of course.”

  As much as I don’t want to, I force myself to maintain eye contact so I can see his reaction, especially one that he might try to cover up. “How do you know Tara?”

  His nostrils flare but he doesn’t look away. “Our moms are friends and they tried to set us up. She was all for it.” He touches my hand again, but this time he keeps it there, covering mine. “I wasn’t.”

  Questions zip through my mind—Are you sure? How can you not? Have you seen her?—but I keep my mouth shut. I take a breath. “Does she know that?”

  He exhales slowly, like he’s buying time to think of an answer, and a prickle of anger stirs in my chest. He’s just a typical guy stringing along one girl while making a play for another. Or worse, maybe he’s not stringing her along and he’s trying to add me to the side.

  “I told her I’m not interested, but I might need to be more direct.” To his credit, he looks disappointed in himself. “She’s a nice enough girl but absolutely not my type.”

  My anger dissipates to make room for a small flutter of butterflies. “And what is your type?” I’m not usually this direct, but something about the way the light shines through the trees and the absolute silence that surrounds us—not to mention his steady grip on my hand—gives me an unfamiliar confidence.

  He stops walking, and because our arms are still linked, it feels like we’re standing closer than ever. He shifts so his hand rests gently on my lower back and now we’re chest to chest. My racing heart has to give away everything I’m feeling. Excitement, uncertainty, and an urgency to keep him close that I haven’t felt in forever. His other hand lifts to my cheek and he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, his gaze bouncing between my eyes and my lips.

  “I feel like you need to tell her how you feel. Or don’t feel,” I quickly add. Naomi would yell that I’m killing the moment, but if anything is going to happen with us, I need to know he’s being honest.

  He runs his hand through the stubble on his jaw. The sound of it scratching against his skin makes me wonder how it would feel against my skin. “I know. You’re right. But I’m terrible at this stuff.”

  I reach over and run my knuckle over his stubble. He jumps at the contact. “I wouldn’t say you’re terrible.”

  He exhales slowly, eyes closed, and presses his cheek against my hand. “I’ll talk to her.” His eyes open and meet mine. “Make sure she knows she’s not the one I want.”

  My heart pounds harder. If there was ever a perfect place for a first kiss, this is it.

  His fingers linger on the sensitive skin beneath my ear. For a moment, nothing else exists. We study each other like we’re not sure what to do next, even though the little voice in my head—which sounds a lot like Naomi—is screaming to push to my tiptoes and kiss him. My fingers curl into the hem of his shirt, wanting to pull him closer but afraid to move too fast.

  “Is that all that’s bothering you?” His voice is deeper, almost a whisper, and my hand reaches up to touch his throat before I realize what I’m doing.

  “My past has a way of smacking me in the face when I really wish it wouldn’t.” My gaze drops as my cheeks no doubt turn bright red.

  “I know what you mean.”

  Because his dad just died. I’m worrying over a breakup and a most likely not-spying sister while he lost a parent. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t even imagine going through what you have.”

  His thumb trails down the side of my neck until his hand rests on my shoulder. “It’s not a competition.”

  My smile twitches. “Who’s life is shittier?”

  “It’d m
ake a great game show.”

  “First up, we have Sage Winters, whose controlling ex-boyfriend is still messing with her head and whose sister is camping with us.” My lips clamp together as soon as the words leave my mouth. Why oh why did I say that?! He probably already knows since Kit’s never met a secret he didn’t share, but I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.

  He squeezes my shoulder. “And next to her is Neb Connelly, whose impervious mother pretends everything is fine, that she didn’t walk out on him seven years ago, and that his father isn’t dead.” His voice is playful but there’s a sheen to his deep brown eyes and his jaw ticks as he clenches it.

  “Wow. Yeah. You win.”

  His eyes close for a moment.

  Two.

  Three.

  Then he opens them and his eyes focus on mine. “I guess we both have shit we’re dealing with, huh?”

  I rub the edge of his shirt between my fingers. “Having to move here must be like a kick in the teeth after your dad.”

  He shrugs, and a grin loosens his jaw. “It hasn’t been all bad.”

  My heart thunders in response. I take a breath to calm myself but we’re standing so close he can probably feel it.

  “So his sister’s here?”

  “Ariana, Tara’s friend.”

  He seems to absorb that for a moment, then his hand presses against his chest, his thumb rubbing over his breastbone absentmindedly. “You know how sometimes you build something up in your head so much that when it finally happens, it’s a letdown?”

  My heart stops.

  Like just stops.

  And I can’t breathe.

  Did I read this all wrong? I mean, our bodies are practically pressed up against each other and he’s still gripping my shoulder like he’s trying to keep me here, but what the hell?

  “Umm, sure?” My voice is breathy and uncertain and why oh why did I think this would work out?

  He smiles so wide it nearly splits his face. “I’m really glad that didn’t happen.”

  16

  Neb

  Did I really just say that? It was supposed to be romantic, or at least make up for oversharing about Dad. But she looks terrified. Or maybe just nervous.

  She smiles back and my heart calms itself. “I’m glad too.”

  Her hands tighten around my waist. I really want to kiss her. Like really, but she seems so hesitant. Her gaze flits between my mouth and my eyes before lowering to my chest, so I drop my hand and catch her pinkie with mine. The tiniest piece of her skin touches mine, but it’s sending flames through my body.

  “We should probably try to catch up,” I say, my mouth suddenly dry.

  “They have to come back this way eventually,” she says with a smirk.

  Okay, maybe she’s not as nervous as I thought. “The path might loop around. We could be waiting for hours.”

  She shrugs, then swings our hands, tugging me forward. “You’re probably right. Plus I could use the exercise.”

  We make our way down the narrow path, still holding hands. She’s quiet but her eyes are alert, taking in everything around us, which gives me a chance to watch her. She seems more confident when she doesn’t think anyone is watching, but the minute she knows eyes are focused on her, she becomes shy. It doesn’t seem like she’s wearing makeup— she’s naturally this pretty. Her brown eyes are lighter than mine, and pieces of her long hair tickle her jaw as she walks. I want to run my fingers up her neck until they tangle in her hair, pulling her face to mine. Maybe step deeper into the woods so no one can find us. My thoughts wander to what we could do, and my temperature rises until it’s all I can think about.

  “So your dad is why you’re here?”

  It takes my brain a moment to catch up with Sage’s question. My free hand presses my pendant through my shirt. “Um, yeah. We’ve been planning for the eclipse for as long as I can remember.”

  She glances up at me. “And you didn’t consider not going after he died?”

  It took a couple weeks after the funeral for the eclipse to work its way back into my mind, but then it was all I could think of. Moving in with Mom was an inconvenience made worse when she couldn’t understand how important it was that I see the eclipse. That I stand beneath the shadowed sun with my plastic glasses with the rest of the stargazers of the world.

  “I would have gone by myself if I had to.”

  “Your mom would let you?”

  How do I explain my relationship with Mom? How she never seemed interested in being a mom, and that hasn’t changed now that I’m living with her again. “She’s never been strict. I guess she was content to let Dad be the hard-ass rule-maker, even though he was never like that.”

  She pauses long enough that I look at her. “I’m really sorry,” she says.

  “Hey,” I say, tugging her to a stop. “You don’t need to apologize every time I mention my dad. It sucks—a lot—but I want this weekend to be happy. He’s probably beyond pissed he can’t be here so I need to soak up every minute of it for him.”

  She smiles up at me and my heart does a weird little stutter. “Got it. My new goal is for you to have fun.”

  I can’t help it. I curl my finger in the loose piece of hair, letting my thumb graze her jaw. Her eyes close for a second, then refocus on me. “What was your goal?”

  A blush colors her cheeks. Now I really want to know, but I wait her out.

  She bites her lip. “Oh, nothing in particular. Just to have fun.” Her voice sounds uncertain and she averts her gaze.

  “Is that it?”

  “My ex…” She waves a hand at her head. “Let’s just say I’m trying to exorcise him from my life.”

  Ariana’s comment at Kit’s bonfire comes back to me. About her brother wanting to come on this trip if Sage was here. And now Ariana’s here every time we turn around. That can’t be easy.

  Something settles in my gut and I vow to make Sage see how amazing she is. I’ve known her for an hour and I can already see that there’s so much more to her than she shows. I shift our hands so our fingers lace together. “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”

  She leans her forehead against my chest and I have to fight the urge to pull her into my arms. Not yet.

  “You already are.”

  We stay like that for several minutes, the sound of the creek gurgling along its path and birds high above mingling with my racing thoughts. I’ve only been to my new school once, but I’m imagining us walking down the halls hand in hand. Waiting for her between classes. Kissing her at her locker.

  Feeling something other than the crushing sadness that’s been with me all summer.

  My finger tucks under her chin and lifts her head so we’re looking at each other. Another perfect moment to kiss her, but I wait. Instead I lift her hand to my lips and graze the back of her hand. “Ready to keep walking?”

  She nods, and we continue along the path, our hands swinging gently between us. Even the silence with her is comfortable. Months of tension slide off me the farther we go into the woods.

  After a while she peppers me with questions about the eclipse.

  “Why is this such a big deal? Isn’t there another one in a couple years? And will you really go blind if you stare at it?”

  A laugh bursts out of me. “How long have you been holding that in?”

  She stares at the creek along the path, but her thumb rubs the back of my hand, heightening my senses. “Since I agreed to go on this trip?” It comes out a question, like she’s afraid of how I’ll react.

  “Well, it’s a big deal because the earth, sun, and moon haven’t aligned like this in North America in thirty-eight years. It’s been almost one hundred years since a total eclipse was visible from coast to coast like this one, so they’re calling it the Great American Eclipse.” I take a breath and steal a glance at her to make sure her eyes haven’t rolled in the back of her head, but she’s watching the sky through the trees as we walk. “The next one in the U.S. isn’t for a few
more years in April. On top of that, to see a total solar eclipse, which is when the moon completely blocks the sun, you have to be in the exact path of the new moon, which we are right now.”

  “You just know all this?” Her tone is teasing and I bump my hip against her side.

  “Yes. And yes, you can essentially fry your corneas if you stare at the sun. Didn’t you hear about the astronomer who looked directly at an eclipse?”

  She shakes her head.

  I can’t hold back a smile. “It completely blind-sighted him.”

  “Ugh. Groan.”

  “But seriously, it’s no different than any other time the sun is out, but with an eclipse, people are intrigued and look at it for longer than they normally would. There are stories about people who get the shape of the eclipse burned into their cornea.”

  “Like a little crescent moon?”

  I cock my head. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

  “You’re like a sciencey lumberjack.”

  My saliva catches in my throat and I choke. “What?” I’ve been called a nerd, geek, science boy—you name it. But until I moved, never lumberjack.

  She gives me a once-over that makes my pulse race. “I knew the science part from texting. But I didn’t expect all this.” Her cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink.

  My brow quirks. “All this?” I don’t mean to embarrass her more, but I can’t stop myself.

  She elbows my arm. “Oh, come on. You know. You’re all big and strong and… and… lumberjacky.” She dissolves into giggles and I laugh along with her.

  “Is it because of the flannel? Because might I point out that you’re wearing one too?”

  “Yes, but it suits you more than me.”

  I hold out my arms and glance at my chest and stomach. Yeah, this is my favorite shirt. Jennie always said it looked good on me, so I may have worn it on purpose. But it fits the same as the rest of my clothes. “If you say so.”

  She gives me a subtle nod. “I do.”

  Now I’m blushing. Things will be less awkward if I just get it over with and kiss her. I rub my thumb against her wrist. Clear my throat. “Do you care if we catch up with everyone? We could—”